Another Trip Down to Zions National Park

Gotta love candid shots! Ha. Here we are again, down in Zions National park down in Southern Utah. You'd think with all the times we've been lately that we're avid hikers or something. Yeah, notsomuch. This trip was all because our house stay was free via a trade with Utah Deal Diva! Sweet! So Nellie, Adrian's cousin's wife {and also my co-blogger} and our family drove down for a quick weekend getaway.

I didn't get any pictures of the house, but it was pretty incredible. 4000 square feet, several bedrooms, a gourmet kitchen, bunk room for the kids and more! I took a bath in this awesome soaking tub. I want one now!! We each had our own master sweet with a huge bed, flat screen TV, en-suite bathroom, etc. It's so nice to go and have space to spread out! There were 8 kids total, 4 of ours and 4 Tracy kids, but even still, they had their choice of rooms, beds, etc.

We opted to bring down breakfast and lunch, then we figured we'd get dinner at the Zions Ponderosa resort restaurant. Well, I won't go into detail but that was a HUGE mistake! Ahhhh, we paid way too much money for mediocre food {as best!} long waits and incompetent, rude staff. Yeah, we could have done without those experiences!

We hiked the River Walk on Saturday, so the park was quite crowded, but we still had a great time. I put an entire album of pictures on my Facebook page.  Here are a few good ones though, just for fun!

This was our lunch spot. I love how amazing the views are, no matter what direction you look in. 

Adrian and Bubba hoisted almost all the kids up on this giant rock. They loved it! It was pretty big though, so getting up and down was a bit interesting. Good thing there were 2 guys willing to work together.

This is pretty much what the River Walk entailed! Our kind of hiking! It was paved, which was good since we both had a stroller. It had some fun elements though as the river flowed just to the left. It was shallow and relatively calm in several places so the kids were able to walk in it, skip rocks and such. 

Thomas staring at a squirrel. 

Here's a picture of our 2 family's, taken by Pam, Bubba's mom who also came with us on this trip. 

Baby #5 Is Indeed on the Way!

So I have a really interesting story to tell. I've gone over this post in my mind at least a hundred times over the last few weeks and each time it goes differently. Suffice it to say I've been a whirlwind of emotions over the last 6 weeks and this is why: I am pregnant.

People find out they're pregnant everyday, so this really isn't' anything unique... we have 4 children, we obviously know how this process works, so why is this so shocking?

Well, about a year ago Adrian and I made the difficult decision that our family was complete. We have 4 beautiful, healthy children. We thought for a long time about this, we prayed about it, fasted about it and truly felt like it was the right thing to do for us. Our family was complete. Adrian had a vasectomy over a year ago and even the feeling I had after the procedure reinforced in my mind that we'd made the right decision.

See, we initially took for granted the entire process of having babies. We had Thomas {nearly 10 years ago!} and thought- let's do this again, this is fantastic! However it wasn't easy. After you have 1 baby it's supposed to be easier to get pregnant with the 2nd, 3rd, etc. However, we experienced the opposite- it got progressively more difficult each time. We got Adrian tested and had some answers why, so we knew it'd likely just take us longer than others to have more babies. It did. It was normal for us to wait months- even over a year, to get pregnant. I know that might not seem like a lot of time to some of you, but it was difficult for us. It wasn't easy, but each time we felt strongly that another child was meant to be in our family, so we had faith. We've experienced miscarriage. We've experienced complicated pregnancies. With Colin I had some early bleeding and a gush of fluid ~ at 6 weeks. We had an ultrasound and were told that we'd miscarried. Talk about a slew of emotions several weeks later when I still felt pregnant and another ultrasound revealed a 9 week old baby! With Leah it took over a year to get pregnant and then 10 weeks in I had gushing bleeding and was diagnosed with a subchorionic hemmorage. Several times I've experienced the absolute joy and relief to get pregnant, only to then have complications in pregnancy that might result in another loss. It's tremendously overwhelming.

The road hasn't been easy, but it's been exceptionally worth it. I am not writing this out for sympathy or anything- this has just been our experiences. Pregnancy and Motherhood have been and continue to be one of the absolutely most challenging and rewarding parts of life so far. I'm sure it will continue to be such as our kids get older!

I am writing this out to give a small glimpse into our reasoning for making the decision that our family was complete. It's something that is personal, yet we didn't mind sharing with others... mainly because people ask all the time!

Flash forward to the beginning of this year. I've actually been sitting here, staring at the above picture for about 5 minutes now just remembering, 6 weeks ago what it felt like seeing that positive test for the first time. 

I think a very accurate description would be SHOCK. Pure shock. 

If you remember, I had an infection, an allergic reaction and shingles earlier this year. I was later informed that these were likely all triggered and caused by the pregnancy I was completely unaware of.  In the middle of the whole Shingles crud I missed my period, but honestly thought nothing of it. I've never been super regular and it wasn't the first time that an illness {or job change or move} has caused me to skip a cycle. I was tired all the time. Noting sounded good to eat. I chocked it all up to Shingles and the several different medications I was on. The list of side of effects for all this was long, so it was easy to dismiss the symptoms. I had several trips to the Dr and each time when they asked if I could be pregnant, I told them my husband had had a vasectomy- which they accepted as a perfect explanation to not administer a pregnancy test. 

A couple weeks went by and the Shingles were healing. However I still felt lousy and talked to my mom, trying to get a few ideas regarding vitamins or whatnot, that could help me feel better. Did I have mono? A thyroid problem?

Then the nausea kicked in. I was actually still on one medication for shingles and a side effect was nausea, so again, it was easy to dismiss. I am mildly lactose intolerant and after a weekend eating tons of dairy, when the nausea escalated, again, it was easy to blame the intolerance as the cause. Honestly  I was starting to think that something might be seriously wrong with me! 

I decided that I should probably go in to a Dr. and see what's going on. In an effort to rule out the crazy notion that I might be pregnant, I asked Adrian to pick up a test on his way home. He thought I was nuts. Heck, I thought I was nuts!! A year after a vasectomy, you have a .05% of spontaneously getting pregnant. That's pretty dang low and never in my wildest imaginations did I ever think .05% would mean US. 

I took the test and I've never seen one turn that positive that quickly. I walked out of the bathroom, handed the test to Adrian than promptly sat on the floor of the bathroom and cried. 

I don't think I've ever felt so shocked and overwhelmed in my life. 

We're having another baby. 5 kids! According to my rough calculations too, I was already 2 months along. I had all the symptoms, but because they happened at the same time as so many other illnesses, I disregarded them. I've given away and sold all my maternity clothes, baby clothes and most of our baby gear!! We were so not prepared for a curve ball like this!

Here's a belly shot at about 8-9 weeks, about 1.5 weeks after we found out.

Here's a brief glimpse into the last 6 weeks: Nausea, nausea and more nausea. Exhaustion. My body knows what to do though and even though the baby is only the size of a plum here at 13 weeks, my bump has popped out and there's no denying what's going on! We've heard the heartbeat and saw baby swimming around happily. Baby is measuring ahead like all mine do, but for right now we're going with a due date of October 8th. I'm planning on end of September- my due dates have all been moved up by a week and I've still never made it to even one! 

Emotionally? I'm all over the place. Early on I confided in a few close friends and I appreciate them so much. They talked me down more than once and were amazing sounding boards for my tears, frustrations and fear. 

I've never had the experience of an unexpected pregnancy before. Ours have always been carefully planned and eagerly anticipated. This is a very new experience for me and it's been a heck of a lot more difficult than I'd ever imagined. Over the years I've heard and conversed with other women who have gotten pregnant unexpectedly and I always secretly thought, "they have no idea how lucky they are!!" I'd like to give a blanket apology to anyone I've said an awkward comment to on this subject- I had no idea what it felt like. To come to terms with the fact that your body, your family, your LIFE would be very drastically changing in another 7 months or so has been a tough situation to deal with. I'm doing my best. I'm getting more acclimated to the idea as time goes on. 

We decided to tell the kids after we heart the heart beat. It was hilarious though- they didn't believe us at all. We got the whole thing on camera and after a good 5 minutes of trying to convince them, we gave up. It was a good couple weeks- when my belly really started popping out before they decided we were telling the truth. I guess we'd drilled it into them for so long now that our family was complete; that we weren't having any more babies, when we told them otherwise, they thought we were joking!!

It's getting easier though. Early last week I walked into the office where Thomas was doing his typing homework and I sat down at the computer. I was feeling pretty awful- taking deep breaths and doing my best to not gag and toss my cookies on the keyboard. Before I sat down he commented on how my stomach is getting bigger and bigger. I stopped and looked at him and asked, "Thomas, are you excited about this baby?" His answer surprised me, but it shouldn't have. He looked at me incredulously and said, "What? Mom, OF COURSE I'm excited!!" His comment was so genuine and sweet. I cried. {I cry a lot these days....}

{12 week belly shot... then here I am at 13 weeks- I swear I grew!} 

I'm still getting used to the idea, but again, it's getting easier. I'm pretty sure I felt the baby move yesterday, which was neat. My feelings are valid and I don't feel as guilty anymore for having them. I am aware that Heavenly Father has a plan for my family that I'm not fully aware of yet. Apparently another baby is one of those plans. This idea is easier in theory than practice though!!! It's a tough idea to get used to- despite all our best laid plans, here we are, about to add to the family again. I'm the type of person who plans things out and likes to feel in control... when in fact I've felt nothing but the opposite lately. This whole year has been a long, crazy roller coaster ride.

So there you have it. We're having another baby. It's completely unexpected, but welcomed. ♥♥♥

Easter, 2013

I'd just like to note for the record that it's Easter... and I'm actually doing this blog post... the day after Easter! I should get extra points for punctuality.

Really, we had a low-key day. Adrian and I had a long talk with the Easter bunny years ago that we'd rather the focus of this holiday be on Christ and the sacrifice he made for us and what that means to us individually and collectively. So we've attempted to down play bunnies and candy. That doesn't mean both didn't make an appearance however, and we did have a fun and meaningful day.

We went to church this morning. I love the songs we sing for Easter- they are just lovely. Hailey and I followed along as she pointed out the words using her giant pencil she got in her Easter basket this morning. Kinda fun.

After church we came home and took a few pictures- yay! I'm so glad I decided to pause the festivities for a few minutes to snap some pictures of the kids. They were so cooperative too, which is saying something as Leah was about to fall over from exhaustion. Poor girl has to wake up 1.5 hours early on Sunday for church and she doesn't get to take a nap until 1pm. It makes for a pretty long morning. Nevertheless, she hung in there and we got some good pictures.

About 36 seconds after we were done with pictures, the Egg Hunt began. Holy Hannah- these kids are getting good at this! That or the Easter Bunny needs to come up with some better hiding places because I think the whole thing lasted about 3.5 minutes. Leah even got into it, once she realized the eggs had candy in them. That didn't surprise us at all!

We're off to the in-law's house in a few minutes for Easter dinner. I've got my jello salad and deviled eggs all ready . YUM.

Spring has Sprung! Warmer Weather is making us do Cart Wheels!

Just a couple blog posts ago I was saying how much snow we're getting and here it is, nearly Spring! We had some lovely warm weather this week, so the kids and I ventured out into the sunshine to enjoy it. 

Spring hasn't really sprung quite yet- hence the abundance of dead foliage everywhere. Makes me think any Easter pics I take will be pretty depressing! {What a difference a year makes- check out Easter 2012 here- yeah, 2013 is gonna look a bit different!}

Colin didn't care though- the kid was bouncing around outside like he'd had a cup of sugar for lunch! The amount of energy this kid has never ceases to amaze me. 

Leah, on the other hand didn't care for the semi-dead grass and was so funny- she did her best to not touch it at all- even though she was sitting on it. It was pretty entertaining watching her. 

"Why, mom? Why did you decide this was a good place to sit?"

Curling her little toes, trying to stay off it!

Embracing the inevitable. 

Then crawling away quickly. 

She can actually walk really well now, but when she's trying to make a fast getaway, she defaults to crawling. 

Here's a Leah and Mama self portrait. Ignore the fact that my hair isn't done and I have no make-up on. Just focus on the child in my arms looking deliriously happy. I still love her wild hair! 

On another note, Hailey wants to show you all her cartwheels and round offs! We put her in a ballet class mid January, but it was kind of a bummer. The class was supposed to be for kids her age, instead it was Hailey {age 6} with two 3-year olds. After a few times of that, we decided to switch to a tumbling class instead and oh my did we awaken a beast! Hailey LOVES it. I'm putting on my proud Mama hat here too and will go out on a limb to say she's actually pretty good! She's super flexible {always has been!} and picks up concepts really quickly. She's already moved up to the next level class and just loves it. 

I'll try to take a few pictures of her in class next week- it's really fun to watch! 

Leah + the Tile Floor: A Video Diatribe

I feel like every other blog post or Facebook update is about one of the three oldest kids teasing, pestering, picking on or aggravating Leah. Wait sometimes it's more than just one kid, sometimes it's all 3 against my poor widdle baby. It's done out of pure love, what can I say?! The funny thing is, I think Leah doesn't really care why the attention is coming to her, just as long as it's coming! She loves her brothers and sister. 

I think this little kitchen floor activity of theirs is a common occurrence, but this was the first I'd seen of it. If you can't tell, Leah loves it. LOVES it. She was having so much fun! 

Video: Leah's Kitchen Fun

I especially like the part where she finds a snack under the chair. Awesome. I can vacuum 37 times a day and she'd STILL find something. 

It's Been a Snowy Snow-Filled Snow Season

No joke- we've gotten a lot of snow this year! It actually hasn't snowed in about a week but we still have a good foot of the white stuff on the ground. The kids? They adore it. I actually don't mind it either- I think it's pretty, but I just don't really like going out into it very often. I need new snow boots. That would probably help. I have some army green rain boots that I really like but I wore those out in the snow when we went to the store one day and Adrian first laughed at me profusely, then avoided me in the store like the plague.

"What, that woman over there wearing the green wellies motioning to me? Nope, I don't know her one bit. Never met her in my whole life. I've never even SEEN that woman. Not sure why all her kids are waving to me either..." 

That was the extent of my green rain boot snow wearing days.

Here are a few fun pictures of the kids enjoying it all.

We had an ice storm in January for the first time in a long time! It was crazy- ice covered everything, including all the snow everywhere, which of course the kids thought was the coolest thing ever. Here's Colin holding up a piece- you can see the sheet of ice that is our front sidewalk.

 Leah and I stay inside when the kids go out in it and play. I felt bad one day so I took her out to show it to her. She touched it once, then made a face and clung to me for dear life. LOL. I wasn't surprised as this is the girl who doesn't even like to drink cold milk! I did have hopes she'd like it since every time she's in the kitchen when I open the freezer she tries to climb in. Maybe next year!

This is why I'm whining...

So, if you follow me on Facebook, you'll notice an inordinate amount of whining emanating from my page over the past week or so. Here's the whole story...

About 2 1/2 weeks ago I woke up one morning with the tell-tale signs of a UTI. Normally I have to drop everything and run to the nearest dr's office that will take me, but this one didn't feel so urgent. So I read online that you could, in theory, get rid of it by drinking about 52 gallons of water each day and eating your weight in cranberries. So I did that! Can I just tell you how much fun that was?! It was awesome. Several days later said cranberry-and-water-binge was still occurring, yet the symptoms remained. I declared defeat and made an appointment at the local clinic. The last antibiotic they put me on didn't work well, so we tried a new one and I went home, thinking within 7 days I'd be good as new.

Yeah, not so much. 3 days later I noticed a few red spots on my underarm/ chest area. Then another one on my back. Hmmm... I checked out that little paper you get from the pharmacy that tells you all the ways you could die from the medication you're on. Well, apparently red spots forming anywhere is one of them. Quick call to the Dr didn't reassure me in the slightest. When the Dr. gets on the phone and starts grilling you about where the spots are, how big they are and how much pain you're in, well that certainly can't be a good thing. "We need to see you immediately" was her response, so I packed up the kids and in we went.

Her diagnosis was a Sulfa drug allergy- which, ironically, is also an allergy my mom has. She put me on Prednisone and said I'd see the rash begin to go away within about 5 days.

The next day it was so much worse. Like, horribly, terribly worse. "Is this normal?!" I thought. It can't be normal. Nevertheless, I'm reading online how bad a sulfa allergic reaction can be, so I go with it. I'm taking the Prednisone  exactly when I'm supposed to and in the mean time, am spreading neosporin on this atrocious rash by the tubeful.

Next morning? You guessed it- again, it's worse. It's beginning to take on its own zip code  And it's morphing. Blisters are forming, dark spots got darker and the pain that comes with it is so bad. I call in to the Dr. and get the voice mail  So I leave my name and a detailed message. No response. I go to bed that night feeling like they probably got my message but I'm apparently this whining baby because this is just how a Sulfa allergy works and I need to suck it up.

Only thing is, the next morning I wake up and I feel like my whole body hurts. At this point the rash covers a large part of the right side of my torso. It hurts to move my right arm at all and sometimes the pain is so blinding that I have to stop and just breathe. This CANNOT be normal. I snap a few pictures with my phone and call in, this time determined to talk to the actual Dr. After explaining what's going on and how it looks so much worse, I send her the pictures. She calls me back within about 26 seconds and says, "We need to you to come in right now, we don't think this is an allergic reaction, we think you have shingles.

I go in and within minutes my shirt is off and Dr's and nurses are gathering to see what is apparently a very, very bad case of shingles.

See, all those days where I went essentially undiagnosed? Yeah, this virus was just wreaking havoc on me and spread into something way worse than it should have. Again, awesome.

If you've had Chicken Pox, you too have this virus inside you. It lays dormant and will emerge in 1 out of 3 people in their lifetime. It comes out of dormancy for 3 main reasons- intense stress, an infection or antibiotics that don't quite agree with your system. So yeah, I'm a two-fer in that regards. Quite the over achiever, if I do say so myself. Why didn't they diagnose me correctly the first time? Well, I'm a bit miffed on that one as well. When I went back in and they did say it was Shingles, she showed me the picture of what a Sulfa allergic rash looked like. Yeah, it didn't look like that at all. I wanted to say that, but human decency stopped me from ripping into the poor PA. At that point, there wasn't much I could do about it anyways. I have Shingles. Which apparently is something more common in those over the age of 50, again, probably adding to the reasons why she didn't diagnose me correctly the first time. I have 3+ medications that I have to stop and take upwards of 8 times a day for the next 2 weeks. An anti-viral, a topical gel, a pain pill that focuses on nerve pain, a regular ole pain pill, etc. My phone dings all day long signaling it's time to pop another pill.

I'm on day 7 out of 14 right now. The rash looks better, but it's still really nasty to look at. I could post pictures, but yeah, that's just gross. Suffice it to say I have a "moderate-severe" case. It aint pretty. I'd take the ugly rash though if I could give up some of this pain. I have new found respect and empathy for anyone with a medical condition that results in chronic pain. I'm 2 weeks into this and it's so incredibly hard. Not only do I have the burning/ itching/ painful rash, but Shingles also results in deep muscle and nerve pain that is dreadful. I'm told this will likely go on for another 2 weeks or so, then I might just be one of the lucky ones that experiences nerve pain for an additional few months or years. Oh heaven help me.

On top of that all, Adrian's been gone on a business trip all week long. I feel so blessed to have my mother-in-law nearby and so many willing neighbors who are entertaining my kids, doing my dishes and bringing us dinner. THANK YOU. Oh heavens, thank you. I'm not usually the one who needs help, I'm usually the one who helps others, but I just don't have it in me to care this week.

While I'm going about my day taking care of the kids and doing what I need to do, sometimes the pain just stops me in my tracks. It hurts so bad. Like, worse than natural child birth bad. I'm doing dishes thinking, isn't it funny that I'm able to do this while in a moderate amount of pain only because I know how much worse it can get?! Other times I don't notice any pain and I stop and think, oh my THIS is what it feels like to not have the pain! I'd forgotten... It's really depressing. 

That's why I'm whining. I'm trying to have a better attitude about it all. Sometimes it's easier said than done. Maybe in another week when I'm not in quite so much pain, I'll be able to do that. I'm well aware it all could be worse- I could have a chronic condition or I could have pain with no diagnosis whatsoever. I am grateful that what I have will get better eventually. I really am. I tell myself all of this at least 20 times a day in an attempt to make it hurt less. I think it helps.

So now you know. Take my advice- never get Shingles. ha! Like that's actually going to work...

I promise to have the next post be much, much less whiny.

Hailey Turns 6!

Hailey turned 6 last week- I know I seem old when I say this, but really, where has the time gone?! Six years already?!

We had a little party with family the night of her birthday, which was fun. I made cupcakes and used this amazing marshmallow buttercream frosting recipe I found a while ago. Oh man it's so good!

 Adrian got Hailey 6 roses for her special day. This girl already loves getting flowers. Nana & Grandpa playing with Leah.

Hailey got some fun presents this year- cute gloves and a sparkly necklace from Grandma & Opa in Alaska, Princess figurines from Auntie Raz & Uncle Kory, an art set from us, as well as a few other little things. The big present was this ballet outfit she got from us that also comes with 2 months' ballet lessons, which is something she's been asking for a while now.

Bathtime Mermaid Barbie- a girl's dream come true right?! 

The pretty cupcakes I made for her- YUM. They were SO good! 

Blowing out the candles on her cupcake. Happy 6th Birthday Hailey!!